michals: (oh *angst*)
[personal profile] michals
Alright, I promise this will be the last, or at least close to last, post I make about this as I realize I have been very melodramatic about this whole thing and am probably annoying the piss out of everyone. If that's true, this post won't be much better.

(Spoilers for those who don't know yet)



It's just, I'm not just losing a show to watch on Sundays in the fall, I'm losing an entire fandom. Like I've been saying, I am way more upset about this one than past ones because with other shows and fandoms I had been able to get away from them soon enough to spare being overly disappointed by them. Like House; I stopped really watching in season 5 so I couldn't get too upset about how shitty it got in season 7. With Boardwalk I was into it, in a way I've never really been into a fandom.

Boardwalk's great because one of the biggest reasons I loved it was because there was so much to think about and talk about. I posted episode discussions every week, I had long diatribes on things that I wanted to see happen, I met people simply because they wanted to talk about and analyze the show as much as I did. I was completely prepared to become totally immersed in the fandom come the hiatus. I wanted to start comms, I wanted to make graphics and fanmixes and write fic and just cannonball right into the middle of it.

I realize these are fangirl!problems, and that no one else has these kinds of complications, but like I told someone else, it's kind of ironic that the people in fandom who really fall in love with a show are more affected by it than a casual viewer, including being heart broken by it.

I had to unfollow half a dozen people on Tumblr, people I liked, because I just don't want to hear about Boardwalk anymore. I can't talk to my mom, Em or Jon about the show anymore because I just don't want to talk about it. I'm kind of sore towards Scorsese, Buscemi, Pitt and anyone involved even though I KNOW that just because they did something to piss off a fangirl by no means entitles them to be disliked.

A couple of months ago I posted about not having a main fandom. That I didn't have that one big fandom to anchor me anymore and I felt kind of all over the place. Well, I found that in Boardwalk and now it's just...gone.

And I completely and utterly realize that just because one character died does not mean that I need to stop watching and that not watching and cutting myself off from the fandom is a HUGE overreaction, but...I never said I wasn't overly dramatic, I never said I wasn't a stupid whiny fangirl. In fact I'm sure I've said the opposite. So, I feel like I need to apologize for being dumb about but at the same time I don't know why I would apologize when I've never done anything different.

It's just, they could have literally killed any other character on the show besides three of them and I would not have cared at all. I would have taken it in stride and accepted it as part of the show. But what do they do? They killed one of those three. And if you had asked me two months ago would I have cared if they killed Jimmy and I would had said "Hell no, dude deserves it if he keeps being awful to Nucky."

But then something changed and I did a 180 and suddenly Nucky and Jimmy and their relationship - and my being able to dissect their relationship - because the main reason I watched the show. Me and someone on Tumblr had their entire backstory worked out and their entire motivations and feelings and potential for the future all planned. There was so much to them. The fact that half of that is gone, and because of the one half, is brutal. Again, if they had bumped off anyone else I would have been okay, but to lose one of the main reasons I watched doesn't leave me with enough reasons to keep watching.

But the main reason for this post is just to mourn the loss of a lot of potential fun I could be having in the fandom. Yes, yes, again I realize this is on me and by no means should this mean I have to leave the fandom because of it, but right now that's what it means and I'm upset about it. In fact, I'm not even close to as sad as I've been these last two weeks since reading the spoiler, I'm more annoyed and disappointed. Annoyed that I just lost a lot of things that I loved and disappointed that the show couldn't go on without him. I know they did it for a reason and I understand from a casual viewers POV, but from a fangirl POV and from someone who's spent way too long thinking about the potential for the character and his dynamic with others, I'm disappointed.

So, basically to sum up the last two weeks: Once upon a time I loved a show way too much and cared way too much about what happened to the characters. One of those characters died, my heart got broken and now I don't know how to look the show in the face. It got all the friends and the fun times and I'm over here, annoyed at the world, haha.
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December 2011

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