Nov. 2nd, 2011

michals: (lived a man of vision)
A lot of the time I want to be a big time movie director, filming 24/7, 365. Talking about and thinking about and living movies all the time with everyone, until the day I croak.

But other times, all I really want is a nice cosy apartment in Madison. That I decorated myself using my discount at Pier 1. With a cat and a dog and a place for my sewing machine and extra dishes in case I have company. With a big screen TV and shelves enough that all my books, movies and Joker action figures can be on display. Where I can have my own Christmas tree and decorate myself. Working at a job I enjoy and that pays decently. And if I have a patio or balcony or back yard, all the better.

Most of the time I think about the second option and panic attack sets in because I can't imagine giving up on the first, lately it's been that I think about the first option and get panic attacks and the second one seems so safe and normal.

*wistful yet somber sigh*

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michals

December 2011

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