Jul. 4th, 2011

michals: (Bern)

No seriously. SOOOOOOOOOOO for the 80 billionth time, here is my life and why it is messed up:

Last week I moved out of my Chicago apartment for good (and left my couch. I miss that couch) and the only plans I had after that was going back to Chicago to my friend's 21st birthday party, where I would talk to my roomie about the plans after that.

If you follow my tumblr you got the whole list of why college parties suck, so I'll give you the gist: I took a 3 hour bus ride, a 20 minute El ride just to do most of the decorating, get all dressed up and then get awkwardly ignored all night and then be kept awake way too late while I slept on a hardass futon and take a shitty shower the next morning and spend literally the last of my money on the bus ride home. It wasn't a total waste, but I felt kind of unappreciated considering I didn't have to spend all that time and money to go down there and get the birthday boy a present that he barely said thank you for. Also, I was in a short, shiny dress with my tits hanging out and all the attention I got was from one really awkward, really drunk guy who couldn't remember my name. HE REMEMBERED LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE'S NAME, WHY WAS HE STILL HITTING ON ME. Ugh, sorry, I've been, er, let's say "frustrated" lately by how fucking few people seem to find me even mildly attractive.

ANYFUCKINGWAY. Talked to the roomie and the final verdict is: I need to get a job. In Wisconsin. Just so I'm not dead broke. This is super duper depressing because it means I will not be getting a job in my field much less in a city NEAR my field. Wisconsin ain't exactly the film capital of the US. And I will be living with my parents, doing that old back and forth thing and fighting with my brother over who gets the car. Mostly what it comes down to is that I'm afraid I'll get stuck here for who knows how long and won't be able to get out. Nevermind that I feel like I haven't done anything worthwhile with my life. Feeling that one really bad lately, especially since some jackass started a Facebook group for our high school class and everyone's talking reunion and what they've been doing with their lives. I was a totally asshole and wrote this long, complicated fake history where I joined a cult and am now living in the Australian outback with someone named Sugar. It was awesome.

So, tl;dr version: I am in Wisconsin and will have to get a job here, I am more than slightly depressed about that fact and feeling particularly unattractive. On the flipside, I'm not totally morose and keep finding stupid little things so god damned beautiful I want to shoot them in the face. I was driving in the country tonight as the sun was setting and in the corn fields on either side of the road there was about 10,000 fireflies and also the crescent moon was out. I just about cried.

UGH I AM SO WHINY AND EMO AND I'M GOING TO SHUT UP FOREVER NOW. *Does the Shutting Up Forever Dance of Fuck It All*


michals: (Default)

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